This morning, as we often do, my husband and I were discussing stuff. “I read an article yesterday in the Washington Post about homeschooling,” I said. “Same old, same old.”

I proceeded to describe one of the details. “The daughter, whose parents were homeschooled by their Christian parents, is in second grade in public school, and she starts telling her Dad about Punxsutawney Phil.”

“Who’s Punxsutawney Phil?” says my husband, and I practically fall over laughing.

This is pretty much exactly what the dad in the article said. Then came the hyperbole: “These were the gaps Aaron and Christina had become accustomed to finding as they learned about a world whose boundaries extended far beyond the one in which they had been raised. There were so many things they had not learned, and perhaps would never learn.”

Alas, my husband, who attended public schools in the Northern Virginia suburbs of Washington DC, is also the victim of this horrible gap in his education. When I tell him just who Punxsutawney Phil is, he says, “And that’s important?”

My husband is fortunate enough not to feel embarrassed or uneducated for not knowing off the top of his head a piece of trivia about an obscure holiday. The dad in the article, by virtue of having been homeschooled, seems to feel differently.

The passage from the article I quoted earlier is hyperbolic, in context, but the irony is that there’s a lot of truth in those words. Learning about worlds whose boundaries extend beyond the ones in which we were raised, for example. Seems like a pretty universal experience to me, and one to be hoped for, not shamed over. “There were so many things they had not learned, and perhaps would never learn.” I don’t think I’m remotely alone in saying that this is the story of my life, and thank goodness for it, because I don’t ever want to stop learning.

The homeschooling experience of the homeschooled adults profiled in the article is their own, and I certainly don’t seek to minimize it. Like any adult, their lives are shaped and informed by their families and childhoods, and for a number of reasons, homeschooling not only didn’t work for them, it was damaging. The article touches on real problems – child abuse, for example. No one should have to face child abuse, but as I and way too many people know all too well, going to school doesn’t even begin to prevent it. As we begin to hear stories from adult homeschoolers who experienced abuse, the assertions that homeschooling is dangerous and needs to be stringently regulated fly. It’s a debate that’s been playing out for a while.

The Post article, titled The revolt of the Christian Home-schoolers, focuses on that aspect of things, but the themes are so familiar. I started homeschooling my children in 1991, and I’ve read many media portrayals of homeschooling. Virtually all of them focus on Christian homeschoolers. Occasionally another approach is taken, like a focus on unschooling, but even then, the media can’t help but present extreme portrayals. This goes for books and movies, too. I guess when you’re trying to sell stories, you look for that kind of thing.

Meanwhile, I spent a few decades homeschooling in a community that bore no resemblance to what I see portrayed in the media over and over. The families were pretty regular — parents who loved and cared for their kids, and kids out and about in the world with other kids and adults, learning, playing and growing. How many times have I wished people could get that homeschooling is just another educational choice. How many times have I wished that people could not think of homeschooling as weird, or different, or even worthy of a “Deep Reads” series in a major newspaper.

Alas, while homeschooling changes and evolves, there always seems to be some kind of stigma around it. Every time a media outlet or movie puts forth extreme portrayals, the stigma increases, which means that parents who homeschool, kids who are homeschooling, and adults who were homeschooled all have to face the inevitability of people making assumptions about them. Because of this, and because of the tiresome reactions they get, homeschooled adults will sometimes avoid mentioning how they were educated during their childhoods. Homeschooled kids often have to put up with being openly or covertly scrutinized by people who wonder whether they’re being properly educated and socialized, the very same people who wouldn’t dream of quizzing schooled kids on math, or asking them if they have any friends.

Homeschooling provided a great lifestyle for our family, and a great education for our kids. Do they have gaps in their knowledge? I have no doubt they do, but how is that different from anyone else on the planet? How does shaming, embarrassing or judging people simply because they don’t know something contribute anything positive? How do we foster a love of and respect for learning, the very core of open-mindedness, when we are so willing to judge people for making a choice that’s different, and so willing to evaluate them based on that difference?

Unfortunately, these attitudes run deep in our culture. Kids are graded, judged and evaluated from day one in ways that often lead to a fear of making mistakes, because mistakes are seen as bad rather than what they actually are – completely human, unavoidable, and absolutely essential to growth and learning. For my family and so many others I know, homeschooling lessened these pressures and allowed for experimenting with ideas, trying stuff out, and deep learning. In short, it worked for us, and plenty of others. It doesn’t work for everyone, of course, but fortunately, it doesn’t have to.

Last week a violin teacher friend described to me conversations he’s had with family members, telling them about the accomplishments of his homeschooled students. “They just don’t believe me,” he said. I wasn’t surprised, because I have experienced this so many times. The idea that children can’t learn without school, that they will never be motivated to learn and must be made to learn, that they are not the wildly curious, observant, and capable individuals that they in fact are – these are all myths deeply ingrained in the psyche of our culture.

If the media must portray homeschoolers, this is the portrayal I long to see brought into the light. Families, kids and adults alike, living, learning and discovering together.